I’m so torn between attending college activities and sitting at the groovy coffee house that’s within walking distance. I wish I liked people more. I think it has to do with how exhausted I am. Probably has something to do with getting less than 15 hours of sleep in the past two days.
I’m gonna miss sitting on my deck in the middle of the night. Just sitting outside during the night has become therapeutic to me. No one to bother me, I can just be alone.
The cigarettes, to blow away the crippling anxiety if only for a few moments.
Well tomorrow morning I start a new chapter of life and will be moving to Lexington to start college. I haven’t felt too great about going because of all that I am leaving behind and everything I will miss. I probably won’t sleep tonight because of this huge change. I got to spend my last night here with my best friend and while it wasn’t anything out of the ordinary, I got to spend it with her.
I hope I will be okay but am so scared because more often than not, I haven’t been okay.
Lost has taken over my life once again
After finally getting sleep it sucks waking up, seeing the daylight and not being able to get out of bed.
No sleep for two days and I still can’t fall asleep. Fuck
Last night the weirdest weed experience happened. My friend and I had this extremely good bud that was purple and it is just ridiculously potent. When we smoked we sat there for a while and just tripped out in the woods. I also found out that lack of sleep mixed with weed potentiates the effects quite a bit. At one point when we were at the pizza place and I kept getting into these trances and I was thinking so deeply about all kinds of crazy shit. Then I looked around at everything around me and everything seemed so fake that for a second I thought what was happening wasn’t real. It was actually a really scary feeling but I think since I was so exhausted that I just didn’t care at all. I discovered what happened is called depersonalization and let me tell you - it was one of the most bizarre feelings ever.